Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
