Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
