I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
