i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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