You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
