Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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