Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
