Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
