honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
