My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
