she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
