Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
