i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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