i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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