Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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