I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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