Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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