I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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