you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize