apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
