Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
