i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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