dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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