I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
