Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
