Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
