Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
