I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
