i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
