I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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