Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
