she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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