Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
