I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
