If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
