Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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