Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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