So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
