i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's like heaven, but drunker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
