it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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