I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize