she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
