Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
