he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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