Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
