I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Porn is love you can see.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
