i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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