doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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