I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize