1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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