In the future we'll all be gay
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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