The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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