getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
