i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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