ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
