I cannot find my penis.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize