"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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