omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
