I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
