you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
