She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
