Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
