If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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