So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
