Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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