this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
