i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
