I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
