I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
