Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
