i don't like sucking hair
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
